He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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