also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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