I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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