shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she smelled like a LAN party
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
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