I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
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do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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