if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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