did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
