Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You are the jesus of drinking
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
