Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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