forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
