tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
