peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
third nipple confirmed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
