More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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