Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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