dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
