My friends, they love my intelligence
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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