My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
