Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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