if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
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Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
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So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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