I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
