I want to stick my p in your. b.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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