I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
