This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
