he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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