eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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