the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
