We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
