Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
