Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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