when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
