sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize