She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
