Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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