you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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