Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
