you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
