dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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