oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
