we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
