I can't breathe out the right side of my face
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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