I just saw a hot homeless man
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
