the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
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I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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