Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
