I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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