you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
