my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
