That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
