i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
