He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
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I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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