I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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