Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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