Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
