Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
