he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
