how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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