i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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