Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
