i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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