Pants 0. Shit 1.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
