just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
