i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
