I'm really into asian looking animals
People in love make me want to vomit
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
