you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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