i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
