I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
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My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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