Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
