so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
