just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
