We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
