This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
