So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
