Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
