Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have aggressive nipples.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
