We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
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Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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